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Wednesday, August 5, 2009

5th August

The day began with a bright sun. The sky was pristine blue. There was serenity in the air and peace all around.

I woke up quite early on that day. The clock was ticking at 6.30 only. On my way to the balcony, I peeped into her room. I thought she was sleeping. So I tiptoed close to her bed. Frankly, I had no intention to disturb and break her sleep. The room was dark enough to balk my vision. It was tough for me to get a better view of her through the mosquito net. So after a while, I resigned and reached the balcony.

I was feeling an immerging sense of tranquility inside me. The feeling was intensifying because of the environment, which happened to be so clear and clean that early morning.

Breakfast was over by 9.30. As a result the gush of deep thoughts started to toss my mind into the whirlpool of idleness. What to do next and what not to… happened to be a million dollar question to me that time, because I was jobless in those days.

All of a sudden the phone rang at around 11.00 am. There was none near the cradle. So I had to go and attend the call. Bingo! It was for me only. A sweet female voice checked on me whether I was game to visit their office for an interview at 3.30-4.00 pm. The position was: Junior Copywriter.

Honestly, I was no insane to give it a miss. Thus, pat came my reply, “Yes, I’m coming on dot!”

I got ready rather in a hurry. Before I left, I again went to her room. She was wide awake then. Lying in her bed, nonchalantly, she was looking at the ceiling with a vacant and visionless stare. Incoherently, she was feeling the lump on her forehead and trying to move her unmovable and motionless right foot… of course, in vain.

Metastatic Carcinoma i.e. “cancer at last stage” was forcing her and her indomitable spirit to succumb to death. However, she was reluctant to surrender so easily, hence there was always a continuing fight between pain and perseverance.

And I was a mere spectator of this grueling battle… bout after bout… everyday, every night, offering NO relief to her thanks to my joblessness and helplessness.

I used to realise that no more she was able to counter the pain. Her ability to punch back was diminishing, gradually. Despite, she couldn’t feel like giving in because she had a worry, a big worry, about me and my future.

Anyway, I reached for the interview. The bullies took off, immediately, in their most sophisticated guise. And why not, after all admen would hardly get such a soft and non-English speaking target like me for their fun-crunch! Therefore those guys’ suave humiliation and intimidation was jolly well acceptable – as if their guidance provided me with, honourably.

Somehow I managed to survive and got selected for the final round – scheduled to be held after two weeks. I was elated. Precisely, relieved.

I walked off the interviewer’s office. Looked up at the sky. And found unlike the morning it was cloudy and heavy. It was about to rain cats and dogs.

I had to return home soon. I had to convey the good news to her.

But how? Before I perched onto a bus, the sky opened up. Torrential shower engulfed the vicinity. I tugged myself under a shade competing with a few dogs, roadside. I was praying to god, “Please let me go home fast,” as I had to see the smile on her face, courtesy my first ever success in job market.

After almost one and half hours, the rain ceased a bit. I boarded a bus. Then took an auto. And was reaching home almost running through the lane with a heart full of happiness and smiling galore.

I reached home. But felt an uncanny lull in the surroundings. A few people were standing underneath our house. I asked them, “What happened?” None said anything. I chose to waste no time. Rushed to the staircase. Climbed up to the door in a flash. Then gate crashed.

I saw that she was lying in her bed with an angelic smile on her face. There was no sign of pain. She was rather resting in heavenly peace. Perhaps god conveyed the good news to her on behalf of me.

5th August, exactly at 5 pm, that’s how she left me forever.

And she was my MOTHER.


varsha sg said...

Very moving.Why is pain always followed by pleasure or vice versa? I guess thats the eternal cycle..

Soma said...

I am deeply touched....Simply speechless. God bless her soul.

Kimbo_24 said...

This is a recurring theme that I have found when family members are dying. They just have to wait until things are right to let go and I know she didn't want to do it while you were there. Very sorry for your loss and I'm sure it is very keen even 12 years down the line. Kim